i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
