whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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