Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
