i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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