you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
