Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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