I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
