it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize