just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
