I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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