I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
