Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
