So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
