So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
