Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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