Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
