Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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