I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
