A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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