Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
