I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
