4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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