Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
