I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
