i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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