Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
