Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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