Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
