My nipple is on Facebook.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
