i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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