and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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