if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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