You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
