ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
