non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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