Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The ass gains better be worth it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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