Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize