Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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