and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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