I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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