You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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