youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
