I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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