Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
