I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
