I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The air taste purple.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
