u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
