Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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