it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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