yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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