Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
