what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My penis needs a shock collar
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
