i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
