I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
