and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
