I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
