Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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