This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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