i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
