I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize