I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
