Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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