Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
