Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
