oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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