If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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