My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
