It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
