The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
